I just stored my newly-cleaned running shoes back in its box.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/51035644987@N01/1952904682

I planned to start my run-walk today. But even before I reached our house, Something Inside Me made me decide to forego of my plan until tomorrow.

Okay, I’ll be honest: last week, I planned to start my thirty-minute walk. I envisioned doing that for a month for three times a week, before inserting small runs.

But Something Inside Me made me decide to fore go of my plan until this week.

I think Something Inside Me is winning against what I have been envisioning for the past few weeks.

I admit: I fear going back to running.

As soon as I imagine myself finishing a run, I immediately think of the countless matters.

Will my knees hurt after?

Will my lower back start complaining again?

What will hurt next?

See? This is what I am scared about since the day I stopped running momentarily to give way to healing.

I’d lose my momentum.

I’d ruin my running plans.

I’d give in to all the possibilities of not running again.

Please do not condemn me. The last thing I need is being subjected to eternal abomination (that is, being ran over by ultramarathoners).

I do believe that runners do feel unmotivated – many times.

"Why do I have to run 42 kilometers?"

“Why do I have to train?”

“Why am I doing this? What for?”

This is funny.

I started this blog because I got no one to talk about running every day.

I wanted the web world to know that I am someone who can push herself to training, smile on her every run, and finish races – for as far as she can go.

Never had I imagined that I’d get to write about my injuries instead of my victories.

But these are part of the running life that is unfolding in front of me. I’ll be a hypocrite if I do not tell the truth about the question, “So, how’s your running?”

I stared at the box that contains my newly-cleaned running shoes.

Drama’s over. Something Inside Me has to be stopped.

I’ll run tomorrow.

I am PeñaRUNzi for nothing.